In today’s world, there’s no shortage of advice, workshops, and self-help books designed to teach men how to treat women. From being attentive and emotionally available to taking on an equal share of domestic labor, the cultural narrative is clear: good men prioritize their partners’ needs and meet modern expectations of respect and equality. And that’s a positive shift. Men should be taught how to treat women well.
But there’s a glaring imbalance in the conversation. While men are consistently taught what women expect and how to meet those expectations, the reverse isn’t emphasized nearly as much. Women are often taught to set boundaries, prioritize their happiness, and demand what they deserve from their partners. What’s missing is the other side of the equation: teaching women how to treat men with the same level of care, respect, and attentiveness they seek in return.
This imbalance isn’t just anecdotal—it’s reflected in relationship counseling, societal messaging, and even the pages of modern psychology books.
What Psychology Teaches About Relationship Imbalance
Psychology books and studies frequently explore the dynamics of emotional labor, a concept popularized in the 1983 book The Managed Heart by Arlie Hochschild. Emotional labor refers to the often invisible work of managing emotions in relationships—a task disproportionately assigned to women in traditional gender roles. However, as modern relationships evolve, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Now, men are expected to carry a significant share of emotional labor without a corresponding expectation for women to reciprocate with the same effort in understanding and meeting their partner’s needs.
Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading experts on relationships, highlights in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that successful relationships rely on mutual respect, kindness, and attentiveness from both partners. Yet, in practice, we often see this burden fall disproportionately on men, who are encouraged to learn the “language” of their female partners while their own needs are sidelined. Gottman’s research underscores that men, like women, have emotional needs and vulnerabilities that require attention and care. Ignoring this creates an uneven dynamic, leaving men feeling unsupported and undervalued in relationships.
The Gap in Modern Relationship Advice
Look at modern relationship advice geared toward women, and you’ll notice a recurring theme: it often focuses on what women should expect, demand, or avoid in men. Books like Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov promote the idea of cultivating independence and confidence to attract a partner, but they rarely explore how women can actively contribute to a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship. Meanwhile, advice for men typically emphasizes listening, supporting, and adjusting to meet their partner’s emotional and practical needs.
This isn’t to say women are to blame for relationship issues—it’s a systemic problem in the way we educate people about relationships. Women are encouraged to focus on self-growth and setting high standards for what they receive, while men are tasked with meeting those standards. The result? A lopsided dynamic that leaves men feeling like they’re constantly auditioning for their partner’s approval without receiving equivalent care in return.
The Consequences of a One-Sided Narrative
The imbalance in relationship education can have significant consequences for both partners. Men who feel their emotional needs are consistently overlooked may withdraw, leading to resentment and distance in the relationship. Women, meanwhile, may feel frustrated by their partner’s disengagement, unaware that it stems from their own lack of effort to meet his needs.
This dynamic isn’t sustainable. Relationships thrive on reciprocity—on the give and take of emotional and practical support. When one partner feels undervalued, it creates a ripple effect that impacts communication, intimacy, and long-term satisfaction. Over time, this imbalance can lead to higher rates of dissatisfaction, conflict, and even separation.
How to Create Balance: Teaching Women to Treat Men Well
To create healthier relationships, we need to shift the narrative. Here are a few key steps:
- Recognize Men’s Emotional Needs: Just as women want to feel heard, valued, and supported, men need the same. Acknowledge that emotional care is a two-way street.
- Educate Women on Reciprocity: Relationship advice for women should include how to actively support and understand their partners. This means learning to listen, practicing empathy, and offering emotional validation.
- Challenge Gendered Expectations: Both men and women should reject the idea that emotional labor is one partner’s responsibility. Instead, it should be a shared effort.
- Promote Mutual Growth: Relationships are partnerships. Teach both men and women to invest equally in communication, compromise, and nurturing the connection.
- Reframe Relationship Narratives: Books, workshops, and media should emphasize the importance of mutual respect and care, rather than perpetuating one-sided expectations.
A Forecast for the Future: Toward Equal Partnership
As society continues to evolve, there’s hope for a more balanced approach to relationships. The next generation is increasingly questioning traditional gender roles, embracing emotional intelligence, and recognizing the value of shared effort in partnerships. But to achieve this, we need to be intentional about changing the conversation.
The future of healthy relationships lies in teaching both men and women to treat each other with equal care, respect, and understanding. It’s about moving beyond stereotypes and acknowledging that emotional needs aren’t gendered—they’re human. By shifting the focus from what we expect to what we give, we can create relationships that are not only fulfilling but truly equitable.